The T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. Project

Yes, this web page does belong in the Files of the Easily Amused, but these guys get major points for subtlety of satire and scrupulously following the Scientific Method. It all began in May of 1995 when two somewhat geeky students at Rice University decided to blow off studying for finals and instead discover the scientific properties of "that incredible food," the Twinkie. By the way, the acronym "T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S." stands for Tests With Inorganic Noxious Kakes In Extreme Situations. The lads carefully recorded and photographed the processes and results of each of their Twinkie tests, always comparing the results to a "control" Twinkie which was left untouched in its plastic wrapper. The tortures the poor Twinkies suffered were immense--one had 110V of current run through it, one was microwaved for 10 minutes, one was soaked in water for 48 hours (a truly disgusting picture), one was liquefied in a blender, etc., etc. And quite a few were eaten, sometimes causing re-tests to be performed. The final test is the most revealing--it was designed to see whether or not Twinkies are intelligent. The test was based on the Turing Test designed for artificial intelligence computers, and it pitted a typical Rice student against the enigmatic Twinkie. Which one is truly intelligent? Read the results to find out. Also, don't forget to check the haiku version of the test results for an incredibly astute and amusing summation of the entire project. (TLB)

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